How to Appreciate Modern Art: A Comically Annotated Guide to Dadaist Urinals, Atonal Screeching, and Pretending You Understand (The Jazz Age Guide to Bad Decisions) Kindle Edition

Hold my glass, darling. I’m about to walk into a room full of people calling a bicycle wheel "sublime," and I need my hands free to gesture vaguely.Welcome to 1925—the era of "Modernism," a very expensive way to feel stupid in public. In this comically annotated guide, The Baffled Patron—a veteran of gallery openings from Greenwich Village to Montmartre—explains how to survive a world where the fruit is square, the music sounds like a car crash, and beauty is considered "bourgeois."Using 100% real historical documents, including the original Dadaist and Surrealist Manifestos, scathing contemporary reviews of the 1913 Armory Show, and music journals discussing the "scandalous" premiere of The Rite of Spring, this volume reveals the high-society art of "The Act." Learn how to identify a masterpiece in a pile of junk, why you should never admit you don't "get it," and how to successfully convince a Duchess that a smudge of jam on a canvas is a "Meditation on the Industrial Soul."Inside this guide to the Death of Beauty, you’ll discover:Dadaism & The Urinal: The philosophy of the plumbing and how Marcel Duchamp turned a bathroom fixture into the "Mona Lisa" of 1917.Geometric Hysteria: A survival guide for Cubism and why doctors actually warned that staring at a Picasso for too long could lead to a mental breakdown.The Rite of the Riot: How atonal music managed to trigger literal fistfights in the Parisian elite and how to pretend you hear the "genius" in the screeching.The Surrealist Stunt: Navigating a world where the artists are more interested in their own dreams (and lobsters) than in drawing a hand that looks like a hand.The Art of the Baffle: How to use words like "visceral," "transgressive," and "primitive" to hide the fact that you think the painting is upside down.The Patron’s Verdict: A sharp, satirical, and modern-day translation for an age that decided if you can tell which way is up, it probably isn't Art.Squint your eyes, tilt your head, and remember: If someone tells you they understand a Cubist painting, they’re either the artist or a liar. Read more